Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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