why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
