Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
