I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
