I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
