i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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