The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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