Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
