I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
