It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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