i already hear my dad disowning me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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