fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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