i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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