Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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