Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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