I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
