This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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