I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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