Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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