thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
