John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
