i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
