she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
