According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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