I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
