Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
