Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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