So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
