You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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