I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
well most of my day revolves around power hour
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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