I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
