And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
