Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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