She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
