she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
