its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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