mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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