life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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