he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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