he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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