hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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