I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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