Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
A+ Viking dick
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize