It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
