So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
