your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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