I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
