If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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