I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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