I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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