Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.