btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
