there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)