it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?