Can i not drive my cunt home
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
