theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
