He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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