Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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