she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
