She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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