Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
