if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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