Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
