dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
