We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
