i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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