We're like a lot better than the average bears
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
